Best jokes ever

A new army computer is put through its paces. An officer types in a question, ‘How far is it from the barrack gate to the armoury?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred.’ The officer types, ‘Seven hundred what?’ The computer replies, ‘Seven hundred, sir!’
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: IT
An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms. The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips. The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips. The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him. The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times. By the way, where is your restroom?" The bartender quickly replies -, "The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
She is so blonde, she thinks that Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Cool Morals: 1. Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa. 2. One should love animals. They are tasty too. 3. Save water. Drink beer. 4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick. 5. Books are holy. So don't touch them. 6. Love your neighbor. But don't get caught. 7. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life
A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze. As soon as he is severed he slams it down. And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila. So the bat tender pours the tequila. And no sooner than he is server he slam it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin. The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating? The young man nods, and says quietly mt first blow job. The bartender smiles and says I remember my first. The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?
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has 74.21 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: men
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: age, black humor, communication, death, family
Q: What do you get when you give a blonde a penny for her thoughts? A: Change.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money, stupid
A colleague was planning a trip to my business office and asked if I could find him a hotel with exercise facilities. I called several hotels, with no luck. Finally, I thought I had found one. I asked the receptionist if the hotel had a weight room. "No," she replied, "but we have a lobby and you can wait there."
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: customer service, fitness, work
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, school
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