Chuck Norris uses a gun to be humane.
Q: How do Columbians develop muscle? A: By pushing drugs.
An eclipse is just the suns attempt to hide from Chuck Norris.
A voice inside said to me: ”Calm down, you are not the first doctor who sleeps with his patient!” And another voice answered: ”but you are a veterinarian!”
When a White guy is... Scared- He gets even whiter. Cold- He turns Blue. Angry-He turns Red. Stoned- Gray duh. Sick- He turns Green. When a Black guy is... Scared- He stays Black. Cold- He stays Black. Angry- He stays Black. Stoned- He stays Black. Black Man to White Man: And you calling us colored.
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?" "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here." Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her "What did you do to that naked fellow?" After a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
Yo mama is so fat when she left the room everyone could breathe again.
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished two bags of chips and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.
Q. Why doesn't Santa have any children? A. Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down the chimney.
Chuck Norris got a homerun in bowling.