Best jokes ever

A lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend were camping in a backwoods section of Maine. Early one morning, the two went out to pick berries for their morning breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, gathering blueberries and raspberries in tremendous quantities, along came two huge bears - a male and a female. The lawyer, seeing the two bears, immediately dashed for cover. His friend, though, wasn't so lucky, and the male bear reached him and swallowed him whole. The lawyer ran back to his Mercedes, tore into town as fast as he could, and got the local backwoods sheriff. The sheriff grabbed his shotgun and dashed back to the berry patch with the lawyer. Sure enough, the two bears were still there. "He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male, while visions of lawsuits from his friend's family danced in his head. He just had to save his friend. The sheriff looked at the bears, and without batting an eye, leveled his gun, took careful aim and shot the female. "Whatdidja do that for!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in the other!" "Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told you the Czech was in the male?"
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, friendship, lawyer
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer
Why are dolphins cleverer than humans? Within 3 hours they can train a man to stand at the side of a pool and feed them fish.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, food
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline. If you'd like to lose a half pound right now, press "1" 18,000 times.
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has 74.21 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: fat, fitness, phone
Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
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has 74.21 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: geek, life, math, science
Q: Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? A: Classical conditioning.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: geek, nerd, science
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school? A: They get their masters.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, dog, school
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers? 1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles. 2. Hunters always....shoot twice. 3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: hunting, love, women
Welcome to the accounting department, where everybody counts.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: accountant, math, work
Chuck Norris is the only person to really have "Birthdays". The rest of us have "Thank you Chuck for allowing me to live another year- days".
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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