Best jokes ever

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off. When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys. The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him. Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about. The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker. The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room. While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”? The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
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has 74.26 % from 267 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, dirty, health, hospital, masturbation
My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!
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has 74.26 % from 267 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, disgusting, fart, mother in law, war
Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"
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has 74.26 % from 518 votes. More jokes about: love, sex, wife
Yo mama is so fat, the army used her pants for a parachute.
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has 74.23 % from 351 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, military, Yo mama
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
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has 74.22 % from 275 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, time
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, husband, mean, men, wife
Q: How can you tell there's an afterlife for lawyers? A: Because after they die, they lie still.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, lawyer, life
"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, relationship, wine
Cool Morals: 1. Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa. 2. One should love animals. They are tasty too. 3. Save water. Drink beer. 4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick. 5. Books are holy. So don't touch them. 6. Love your neighbor. But don't get caught. 7. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life
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