Chuck Norris can pour a pancake so thin that it only has one side.
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*BOOM*
Mum shouts: "What was that?"
Me: "My coat fell."
Mum: "It sounded a lot heavier than that!"
Me: "I was in it."
Linux is like wigwam: no Gates, no Windows and Apache inside.
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Yo mama so stupid, the password needed 8 characters, so she put Snow white and the 7 dwarves.
Yo momma so old...
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
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A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans.
Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl.
She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday.
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The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out.
A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!"
The murderer called back, "I'm warning you.
If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll kill us both!"
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
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A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra.
Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."