Best jokes ever

The Grimm Reaper fears the day Chuck Norris comes for him.
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has 72.35 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"
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has 72.35 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, money, wife
A blonde got a dent in her car and took it in to the repair shop. The repairman, noticing that the woman was a blonde, decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told her that all she had to was take it home and blow in the tailpipe until the dent popped itself out. After 15 minutes of this, the blonde's blonde friend came over and asked what she was doing. "I'm trying to pop out this dent, but it's not really working." "Duh. You have to roll up the windows first!"
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has 72.34 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: blonde
NASA sends a space shuttle up with two pigs and a blonde on board. While the shuttle is taking off, the NASA command center calls the first pig and asks, "Pig #1, do you know your mission?" The pig replies, "Oink oink. Get the shuttle into orbit and launch the trillion dollar satellite. Oink oink." Then NASA Control asks the second pig, "Pig #2, do you know your mission?" The second pig replies, "Oink oink. Once Pig #1 has completed the trillion dollar satellite launch, close hatch, and go back to Earth. Land shuttle. Oink oink." Then NASA asks the blonde, "Blonde woman, do you know your mission?" The blonde woman replies, "Ummmmmmm...Oh yeah, I remember now.Feed the pigs and DON'T TOUCH A GODDAMNED THING!"
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has 72.34 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: blonde
A blonde is working as a lifeguard at a swimming pool when a girl begins to drown, screaming "lifesaver! lifesaver!" The blonde thinks for a moment, and then asks "cherry or grape?"
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has 72.34 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: blonde
They once had a showing of Walker Texas Ranger in 3D. There where no survivors.
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has 72.34 % from 152 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
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has 72.34 % from 431 votes. More jokes about: desert island, friendship, genie, men
The murderer was holed up in his house, and the SWAT team was trying to get him out. A cop got on the bullhorn and said, "Come on out, or I'm going to come in there and drag you out!" The murderer called back, "I'm warning you. If you don't wipe your feet when you come in, my wife'll kill us both!"
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has 72.33 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: cop, wife
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.
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has 72.33 % from 228 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy's picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. 'The flight to Egypt,' he replied. 'I see... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,' she said. 'But who's the fourth person?' 'Oh, that's Pontius – the Pilot!'
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has 72.33 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: airplane, bible, catholic, teacher
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