This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building.
He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out.
Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing.
One hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says:
"Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!"
The first guy responds: "Oh, it's really simple physics.
When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk."
"WOW!", exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!."
So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below.
The bartender looks over to the first man and says: "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
The poop list:
-Ghost Poop: You feel the poop come out, but there is no poop in the toilet.
-Clean Poop: You poop, it's in the toilet, but there's nothing on the toilet paper.
-Second Wave Poop: You're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, but something tells you you're not done.
-Gassy Poop: Everyone within earshot is giggling.
-Corn Poop: Self-explanatory.
-Wet Cheeks Poop: (The power dump) Comes out of your butt so fast, your cheeks get splashed with water.
-Upper Class Poop: This poop doesn't smell.
-The Dangling Poop: This poop refuses to drop, and you just pray that a shake.
Vote:
Little Red Riding Hood went to her grandma's house and found her laying in bed.
Little Red Riding Hood said, "Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
Grandma: "The better to see you with, my dear."
Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what big ears you have!"
Grandma: "The better to hear you with, my dear."
Little Red Riding Hood: "Grandma, what a big mouth you have!"
Grandma: "Of course I do, have you seen Grandpa's d**k?!"
Vote:
Film makers are smart enough NOT to make a Chuck Norris movie in 3D.
Vote:
A retired man who volunteers to entertain patients in nursing homes and hospitals went to one local hospital in Brooklyn and took his portable keyboard along.
He told some jokes and sang some funny songs at patients’ bedsides.
When he finished he said, in farewell, “I hope you get better.”
One elderly gentleman replied, “I hope you get better, too.”
Vote:
Little Johnny was sitting in his classroom when his teacher asks what sounds animals make.
First the teacher asks,"what sound does a cow make?"
Susie raises her hand and says moo.
"Good job susie" says the teacher.
Then she asks what sound does a duck make?
Billy raises his hand and says quack.
Next the teacher asks what sound a pig makes.
Little Johnny raises his hand and says," Get your black ass out the car, put your hands above your head, and spread your legs!"
Vote:
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Vote:
A redneck boy runs into his house and proclaims, "I've found the girl that I'm gonna marry! And she's a virgin!"
Incensed, his father pounds his fist on the table.
"There's no way you'll marry that girl! If she aint' good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
Vote:
Yo mama so dumb she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death!
Yo mama so dumb she stole a free cookie!
The honeymoon couple left the wedding reception and hailed a cab to take them to their romantic boutique hotel in the hills.
The driver wasn’t too sure how to get there, so he told the couple he would ask directions when they got closer to their destination.
Meanwhile, the lovers couldn’t wait to get busy, so they got down to business in the back seat.
During the couple’s moment of passion, the cabdriver noticed a fork in the road, and said, "I take the next turn, right?"
"Screw NO, get your own woman," said the groom, "this one’s all mine!"