Best jokes ever

A lawyer has just settled down in his new office. So now, he is thinking what he can do to have clients. After a long time thinking, a man comes into the office. Right away, the lawyer decides to make his new plan take action. So he picks up the phone and says: "Unfortunately, Ms. Onassis, I cannot undertake your case right now. I am working full time, call me in a month to see if I can help you." He puts the phone down and says to the waiting man: "How can I help you sir?" "Nothing really, I am from telephone communications, I just came to connect your phone."
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has 72.55 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: communication, lawyer, office, phone, work
Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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has 72.55 % from 91 votes. More jokes about: bar, chemistry, nerd
I walked passed a burnt out building with a broken sign saying "Fireworks". How right they were.
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance.
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: coding, IT, nerd
A young accountant, straight out of uni, applies for a job advertised in the Sydney Morning Herald. He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch. "I need someone with an accounting degree," says the man, "but mainly I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "How do you mean?" says the accountant. "I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money matters." "OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?" "You can start on seventy-five thousand," says the owner. "Seventy-five thousand dollars. How can a business like this afford to pay so much?" "That," says the man, "is your first worry."
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: accountant, business, graduation, money, work
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. He was stiff-legged and walking slowly. One student said to his friend: "I'm sure that poor old man has Peltry Syndrome. Those people walk just like that." The other student says: "No, I don't think so. The old man surely has Zovitzki Syndrome. He walks slowly and his legs are apart, just as we learned in class." Since they couldn't agree they decided to ask the old man. They approached him and one of the students said to him, "We're medical students and couldn't help but notice the way you walk, but we couldn't agree on the syndrome you might have. Could you tell us what it is?" The old man said, "I'll tell you, but first you tell me what you two fine medical students think." The first student said, "I think it's Peltry Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." The other student said, "I think you have Zovitzki Syndrome." The old man said, "You thought - but you are wrong." So they asked him, "Well, old timer, what do you have?" The old man said, "I thought it was gas - but I was wrong, too!"
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: age, health, medical, old people, student
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. A mile down the road, he's stopped by a police officer. The officer walked up to the driver's side window holding a Breathalyzer and said: "Good evening sir. We're testing for drunk driving. Would you please blow into this machine?" The man says: "Sorry officer, but I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow in that machine, I will get out of air." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample", said the officer. "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death." "Well, then we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar." "Alright... then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line." "I can't do that either, officer." The officer was getting irritated... "And why not?" "Because I'm dead drunk."
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: bar, car, cop, drunk
A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, "I would like to see a bikini that fits me." Clerk, "me too..."
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has 72.54 % from 52 votes. More jokes about: women
Why does the witch not wear panties when flying? Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.
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has 72.54 % from 313 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Q: How do Asian parents name their kids? A: They drop a tin can down the stairs and it makes the noise Bing ling wata ling ling.
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has 72.53 % from 309 votes. More jokes about: asian, racist
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