Best jokes ever

Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, health
A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: blonde, life, time
Chuck Norris can text using a rotary phone.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Lightning doesn't strike Chuck Norris, chuck norris strikes lightning!
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Chuck Norris once shook a pirates hand. That pirate is now known as Captain Hook
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, pirate
Chuck Norris once saw Spiderman on a wall and then folded his newspaper.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Three guys are alone on a desert island: an engineer, a biologist and an economist. They are starving and don't have a thing to eat, but somehow they find a can of beans on the shore. The engineer says: "Let's hit the can with a rock until it opens." The biologist has another idea: "No. We should wait for a while. Erosion will do the job." Finally, the economist says: "Let's assume that we have a can opener".
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: desert island, food, work
Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, life
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he ot it. He told them to bug off and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. “OK, follow me,” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. “Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked. “YES, YES, YES!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy. “Good!” said the first bat, “Because I fucking didn’t!”
Vote: has 72.71 % from 19 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal