Status I didn't fall down, I attacked the floor.
Three heavyweight men; an American, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building. The American jumped off and shouted "God save America!" The English man jumped off and shouted "God Save The Queen!" The Sumo wrestler jumped off and shouted "God save the person who I land on!''
Yo mamma is so fat when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!
"Is it rape if it's your wife?" "I don't think so." "What a relief! I thought you'd be mad as hell!"
Yo mama so poor that when I stepped on a cigarette she said "who turned off the heat?"
Chuck Norris didn't sign the Declaration of Idependence because he wanted the British to think they had chance.
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy.“
Natalie, a pretty but distraught blonde model, took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time a man takes me out, I wind up in bed with him. And then afterward I feel guilty and depressed all day long." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you want me to strengthen your will power." "Heavens, NO!" exclaimed the model. "I want you to fix it so I don't feel guilty and depressed afterward."
A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, "I would like to see a bikini that fits me." Clerk, "me too..."