Best jokes ever

I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
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has 72.06 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: birthday, music, party, terrorist
After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, "You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. And why is that?"  Little Johnny offers, "Miss, it's so we wouldn't wake all those people sleeping."
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has 72.05 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, school, teacher
Yo mamma is so fat when she tried to go to McDonald's she tripped over Wendy's and landed on Burger King.
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has 72.05 % from 253 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, insulting, Yo mama
A guy in the locker room saw another guy with a piece of cork up his ass. "Why do you have a cork up your ass?" "Well, it's a long story. But one day I was walking on the beach and I tripped over a bottle and woke up a genie who said he would grant me one wish. I said, 'No s**t!"
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has 72.05 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: genie, life
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
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has 72.05 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: car, Chuck Norris
A man and his wife went to the pharmacy to pick up his prescription for Viagra. Seeing the $10 per pill price his wife was astonished - but then realized "it's only going to cost us $30 per year."
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has 72.05 % from 64 votes. More jokes about: marriage, medical, money, sex, viagra
Chuck Norris can stare you to death while looking the other direction!
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has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry. "I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise. The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone. The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone. "Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady. The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
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has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, genie, nurse, work
A blonde wanted to sell her car, but couldn't find any buyers. She called her friend for advice, and her friend asked her how many miles she had on her car. "235,000 miles." Her friend told her that was the problem. But the blonde's friend told her that her brother is a mechanic and could put back the miles to whatever she wanted. So the blonde went to the mechanic and told him to put the miles at 40,000. Two days later the blond's friend asked her if she sold the car since her brother dropped the miles. The blonde told her, "Why would I sell the car? There are only 40,000 miles on it!"
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has 72.05 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, stupid
[first day as a pilot] Control tower: What are your coordinates? Me: I'm by a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba
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has 72.04 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: communication, travel, work
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