Chuck Norris and Justin Bieber once had a singing contest, the loser had to never hit puberty.
Chuck Norris can't be in a 3D movie because the entire room would feel his roundhouse kicks.
Chuck Norris can make music in Adobe Photoshop.
There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at a doctor's convention one night. A male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of dinner. After dinner, the male asks the woman if she wants to go up to his hotel room. ''Sure,'' the woman says. ''Let me go wash my hands first.'' After she washes her hands, they have sex. After they are finished, she washes her hands again. This is really starting to annoy the male doctor so he says, ''You know, you must be a surgeon, because you keep washing your hands.'' Angry at this remark, the woman says, ''Well, you must be an anasthesiologist, because I didn't feel a thing!''
Yo mama so fat when she tossed in her sleep she woke up in another time zone.
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
The teacher asked Willy, "If you have seven cookies and Billy asks you for three, how many cookies have been left with you?" Willy immediately answered, "Seven!"
Teacher: Ramu, how do you spell "crocodile"? Ramu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" Teacher: No, that's wrong Ramu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
Two black men are walking down the street. They pass a shop that advertises "Be White For a Day! Ninety-nine cents!" The two guys decide to try it out and they look to see how much money they have. One guy has a dollar bill, and the other guy has exactly ninety-eight cents. They decide that the first guy will go in with the dollar, get his change and then give it to the second guy so he can go in. Problem solved. The first guy goes in, and after a few minutes, he comes out with white skin, kakhi slacks, a polo, and a golf cap. They laugh and admire his new race for a minute. Then the second guy says, "How about that penny?" The first guy yells, "GET A JOB!"
Local mountain lions have been complaining about the recent string of Chuck Norris attacks.