A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair. "Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts." A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate. This time the sister is bawling and her brother says… "Now she knows."
A man consulted his priest about getting a divorce. The priest was surprised. "Why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely wife? She is soft and gentle and, if I may say so, she is also quite beautiful and nicely proportioned. I really can’t see what you have to complain about." The man took off his shoe. "See this shoe," he said, showing it to the priest, "The leather is soft and gentle. It is a beautiful piece of work and nicely proportioned." "Ah"” said the priest, "a parable." "In a way, Father," replied the man. "I’m the only one who knows it pinches."
Benefits of having Alzheimer's: You can wrap your own presents. You are always meeting new friends.
What is the smallest hotel in the world? A p***y - because you gotta leave your bags outside!
John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”
Beetlejuice is afraid to say Chuck Norris 3 times.
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers? 1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles. 2. Hunters always....shoot twice. 3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock. The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.