Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
What do tight pants and a cheap motel have in common? No ball room.
Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS? A: A sharp pain in the ass.
Teacher: "I will call your parents!" Elementary student: "No! I’ll be a good boy!" Junior High School Student: "Pffff… Anyway…" High School Student: "Send my mother my greetings!"
Q: What does a kitty like to eat for breakfast? A: Mice Krispies.
People can be so easy to read. Like if their face is red, they're embarrassed. Or if their skin is brown, they're about to commit a crime.
"If I could be someone for one day I would be Justin Beiber and run off a cliff"
Boss comes up to an employee: "Yesterday you did a great job - in one day you managed to do as much work, as you did in previous month!" "Thanks boss, that's because Facebook was shut down for the whole day."
Three men were trekking through the desert and came across a magician standing at the top of a slide. The magician said, "You may each go down the slide and ask for a drink. When you reach the bottom of the slide, you shall land in a huge glass of that drink. The first man went down yelling, "Beer!" He landed in a glass of beer. The second man went down yelling, "Lemonade!" He landed in a glass of lemonade. The third guy man down the slide yelling, "Wee!"