Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris dosn't need a bullet proof vest because the bullets wouldn't dare hit him.
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has 72.16 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy's picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. 'The flight to Egypt,' he replied. 'I see... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,' she said. 'But who's the fourth person?' 'Oh, that's Pontius – the Pilot!'
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has 72.16 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: airplane, bible, catholic, teacher
Question: Why did God give men penises? Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
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has 72.16 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: god, women
*BOOM* Mum shouts: "What was that?" Me: "My coat fell." Mum: "It sounded a lot heavier than that!" Me: "I was in it."
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has 72.14 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: family, life
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers. She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop." The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone. The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
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has 72.14 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: blonde, science, student
Chuck Norris can choke you to life.
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has 72.14 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Yo mama is so fat she turned a monster truck into a low rider.
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has 72.13 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: car, fat, Yo mama
A little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh.. well.. ah.. well, I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up."
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has 72.13 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
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has 72.11 % from 339 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, god, kids
A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them. The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
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has 72.10 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: blonde
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