Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris dosn't need a bullet proof vest because the bullets wouldn't dare hit him.
Vote:
has 72.16 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Question: Why did God give men penises? Answer: So men would at least have one way to shut a woman up.
Vote:
has 72.16 % from 175 votes. More jokes about: god, women
A blonde biology student conducts an experiment on grasshoppers. She pulls off one of its legs at a time and yells, "Hop." The grasshopper hops each time until all of its legs are gone. The blonde concludes: when all the legs of a grasshopper are removed, it becomes deaf.
Vote:
has 72.14 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: blonde, science, student
Chuck Norris can choke you to life.
Vote:
has 72.14 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."
Vote:
has 72.11 % from 339 votes. More jokes about: animal, dad, god, kids
A blonde gets her haircut while wearing a pair of headphones. The hairdresser asks her to take them off, but she protests that she'll die without them. The hairdresser sighs, and starts cutting the hair around the headphones. Soon, the blonde falls asleep, and the hairdresser removes the headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde collapses, dead on the floor. Alarmed, the hairdresser puts the headphones to his ear and hears, "Breathe in. Breathe out."
Vote:
has 72.10 % from 106 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Q: How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb? A: Three. One to hire a Mexican guy and two to deport him when he's done.
Vote:
has 72.09 % from 269 votes. More jokes about: light bulb, mexican, political, racist, republican
Yo mama's so fat that when she wore a red shirt, people said hey look koolaid.
Vote:
has 72.08 % from 110 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
This guy walks into a bar on the top of a very tall building. He sits down, orders a huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out. Five minutes later, the guy walks into the bar again, orders another huge beer, chugs it, walks over to the window, and jumps out again. Five minutes later, he re-appears and repeats the whole thing. One hour later, another guy at the bar stops the first guy and says: "Hey, how the heck are you doing that?!" The first guy responds: "Oh, it's really simple physics. When you chug the beer, it makes you all warm inside and since warm air rises, if you just hold your breath you become lighter than air and float down to the sidewalk." "WOW!", exclaims the second man, "I gotta try that!." So he orders a huge beer, chugs it, goes over to the window, jumps out, and splats on the sidewalk below. The bartender looks over to the first man and says: "Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."
Vote:
has 72.07 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, celebrity, drunk
Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry." "Hans Olaffsen?", he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like 'Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?'" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Hans Olaffsen.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
Vote:
has 72.06 % from 373 votes. More jokes about: asian, blonde, food, life
<<<306307308309
More jokes →
Page 306 of 1429.