Whats the difference between usain bolt and hitler?
Usain bolt can finish a race...
If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my math class: it would seem so much longer.
A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding.
As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning?
Is it my face?”
“No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”
The government shutdown has officially lasted longer than any of Taylor Swift's relationships.
Vote:
Why do women love Hunters the best as lovers?
1. Hunters have the longest and most powerful rifles.
2. Hunters always....shoot twice.
3. Hunters love to...eat what they shoot!
A woman, after giving birth to six babies, upon seeing her husband gets up off the hospital bed, walks over to him shouting "I told you not to go doggy style!"
Q: What do dogs do after they finish obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
Jill tells her husband, “Jack, that young couple that just moved in next door seem such a loving twosome.
Every morning, when he leaves the house, he kisses her goodbye, and every evening when he comes homes, he brings her a dozen roses.
Now, why can’t you do that?”
“Gosh,” Jack says, “why I hardly know the girl.”
Yo mama so ugly people dress up as her for Halloween!
Q: Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road?
A: To go with the traffic jam!