You know you're a redneck if your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
Beetlejuice is afraid to say Chuck Norris 3 times.
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Yo Momma is so fat…
when she took her shirt off at the strip club,everyone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars.
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot?
Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
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Q: What do you call a redneck that's bursting into flames?
A: A fire cracker.
Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?
A: They aren't much to look at but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.
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There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard.
There is only another fist.
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Bill O'Reilly and his chauffeur accidentally hit and kill a farmer's pig while driving through the country.
O'Reilly tells the chauffeur to apologize to the farmer.
They drive up to the farm, and the chauffeur goes inside.
He is gone for a long time.
When the driver returns, he explains his long absence, "Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife made me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses."
"Why were they so grateful?" O'Reilly asks.
The chauffeur replies, "I don't know. All I told him was that I was Bill O'Reilly's driver and I'd just killed the pig."
Q: What is a Jews biggest dilemma?
A: Free Pork.
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub.
She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men".
So he stabs her and takes her purse.
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