Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Mr. Brown was telling his son a bed-time story. "Once upon a time there was a white bunny..." "Jeez..dad it's boring,what about science fiction?" "Ok,Ok" Mr Brown said. "Once upon a time there was a Bunny who got onto a spacecraft and...." "Dad, a little more grown up!" "Do you promise me not to tell your mom?" asked Mr Brown. " I swear!" "Ok", "Once upon a time there was a naked bunny..."
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Yo Momma is so fat… when she took her shirt off at the strip club,everyone thought she was Jabba The Hut from Star Wars.
Men are like.....Horoscopes. They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."
Why did President Clinton name his dog Buddy instead of Spot? Because he didn't want people running around the White House saying, "come Spot, come Spot!"
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots? A: You only have to teach them to take off.
If the world were a jacket where would the blacks go? The Hood.