Best jokes ever

Toilets are like mothers-in-law: the farther away the better.
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More jokes about: life, mother in law
Agony: a one-armed man hanging off a cliff with itchy balls.
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More jokes about: alcohol
Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
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More jokes about: drunk, wine
"Doctor I feel like biscuits!" "What, you mean those square ones?" "Yes!" "The ones you put butter on?" "Yes!" "Well, that means you’re crackers!"
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More jokes about: doctor, life
A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, "Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die..."
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More jokes about: animal, black humor, death, food, time
What does CPA stand for? Can't Pass Again.
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More jokes about: accountant
An ideal man doesn't drink, doesn't snore, doesn't watch football, doesn't argue and DOESNT'T EXIST.
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More jokes about: life
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
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More jokes about: hipster, music
Q: How much does a hipster weigh? A: An instagram
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More jokes about: hipster, technology
One time Chuck Norris saluted an American flag and it blushed.
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More jokes about: Chuck Norris