There is a plaque laid next to the remnants of the Titanic which reads, "Only Chuck Norris is unsinkable"
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
Q: What's the difference between a book and a teacher? A: You can shut a book up but you can't shut a teacher up.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Customer: "Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?" Waiter: "Can’t you tell the difference by taste?" Customer: "No, I can’t." Waiter: "Then does it really matter?"
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom." The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him. The man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?" The doctor replies, "I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg."
The only thing written on Chuck Norris' passport is "It's me".
Electricity pays Chuck Norris to light up his house.
Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? " Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
Chuck Norris can turn a vegan into a cannibal.