Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler.
With him inside it.
Q: How many licks does it take Chuck Norris to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
A: Zero. He simply stares at the candy and the outer coating is gone.
Q: How many hipsters can you get into a phone booth?
A: One, any more and it would be too mainstream.
Take a squirt gun into the rest room stall next to someone and shoot little drops over the wall every couple of seconds while pretending to pee.
Chuck Norris' beard can etch a sketch a picture of chuck killing a man.
When the last line is drawn, that man dies!
Global warming is caused by transient energy leftover from Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks.
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!
Q: How is a boss better than a wife?
A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
The pouch respects Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris put corns in the Milky Way and eat them at his breakfast.