If Charlie Sheen is winning, it's only because Chuck Norris isn't playing.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris' name is never on the guest list - because if Chuck Norris turns up, Chuck Norris gets in.
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin? A: Polar Bond.
When raining, Chuck Norris doesn't need an umbrella , he can dodge the rain drops.
2012 is the predicted date for the end of the world. The only rational explanation is Chuck Norris.
The main distinction between a boss and the Pope is the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
Usain Bolt is so fast I saw a Cheetah giving him a High 5.
Man to friend: ‘I read a survey that said half the men in the UK masturbate in the shower, and the other half sing. Do you know what they sing?’ Friend: ‘No I don’t.’ Man: ‘I thought you wouldn’t.’
Q: What does a lesbian have in common with a mechanic? A: Snap-on tools!