Best jokes ever

Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
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has 71.45 % from 186 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he takes it into a garage. The penguin asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic says, "Just a few minutes." So the penguin decides to go get an ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream. Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his face and his stomach he says, "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin says, "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream."
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has 71.45 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, disgusting, mechanic, time
A teacher asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favourite Bible stories. She was puzzled by a boy's picture which showed four people on an aircraft, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. 'The flight to Egypt,' he replied. 'I see... And that must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus,' she said. 'But who's the fourth person?' 'Oh, that's Pontius – the Pilot!'
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has 71.44 % from 147 votes. More jokes about: airplane, bible, catholic, teacher
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
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has 71.43 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till i hit the ground? The rest of your life...
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
Which is the most dangerous animal in the Northern Hemisphere? Yak the Ripper.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
When you give birth to a great idea at work, your boss should give you 2 weeks of maternity leave.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: management, work
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Dude, the light bulb was cooler before it changed.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: hipster, light bulb
The water in Rio is so bad that even Usain Bolt had the "runs" in his last race!
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: sport
Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money? A: He is always a little to short.
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has 71.43 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, communication, money
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