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Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.
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There was a guy that was sick he went to the doctor and said "Doctor I have a fever”" The doctor said, "you will have to take 4 spoons of the medicine." The sick one said, "but doctor, I only have 3 spoons what shall I do?"
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Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."
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Q: How do all stoner stories start? A: This one time when I was high...
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The fact that the evil killer doll from the movie 'Child's play' is named 'Chucky' is not a coincidence.
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So the buddhist pulls a gun out of his coat and the vendor says, "Whoa whoa whoa, what about inner peace?". The Buddhist responds "This is my inner piece".
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Q: Why do hurricanes travel so fast? A: Because if they travelled slowly, we'd have to call them slow-i-canes.
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Chuck Norris can use a touch screen without touching it.
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Chuck Norris doesn't compete, he wins.
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Chuck Norris' primary weapon in Call of Duty is his roundhouse kick.
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