My colleague said to me, "I bet you can't see your dick when you look down in the shower." "No, just your daughter's head," I replied.
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone, “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed, “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.” “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.” “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor. “Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.” “Oh crap!” the physician roared, “That means we’ve all got it!”
John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act. He immediately order David to be discharged from the mental hospital as he is OK. Doctor: "We have good news and bad news for you, David. The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person. The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died." David: "Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry."
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Hillary Clinton isn't taking the loss very well. So I said to her, Cheer up! At least you won't have to work at the same desk that Monica spent so much time under.
A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.” When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds. “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods… “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day." “From hunger, you mean?” said the doctor. “No, from skipping,” replied the blonde.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Did u know Chuck Norris had a role in star wars. He was the force.
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund