Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No! Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
One day while Johnny's dad was just getting out of the shower Johnny looked down and said, "Dad what's that hanging between your legs?"
"Oh Johnny that's my nerve and your's will be this big one of these days", replies Johnny's dad.
Anyway the next day while in school Johnny really had to pee so he raised his hand and said, "Miss I really need to go to the bathroom."
"No, not yet there's someone gone", says his teacher.
Not able to hold it in Johnny walks to the garbage can and starts to pee.
Surprised to see her student peeing in a garbage can in front of the whole class the teacher says, "My Johnny you have some nerve!"
Johnny says,"That's nothing you should see my fathers."
Vote:
Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert?
A: "Yes, the red wire."
Vote:
My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another.
So far we’ve been up for three weeks.
I joined Bachelors Anonymous.
Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room.
The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
Vote:
A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and took a seat beside me.
After some moments I dared to ask her: "Excuse me lady do you mind me please to ask you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife."
The lady responded: "It is Chanel and from Paris."
After about ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.
Some seconds later she broke and said: "Offf... what is this smell my God"?
I said: "Gar lic and from Gilroy city in California."
Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO.
Suddenly a very attractive blonde woman enters and bets $20,000 on a roll, saying: "I hope you do not mind, but I feel very lucky when I play naked."
With that, she unbuttons the zipper, takes her dress and underwear off, throw the dice and yells: "Come on baby, mama needs new clothes!"
She looks with agony and as soon as the dice stops, starts jumping up and down screaming: "YES, YES, YES I WON!"
She embraces one to one of the dealers, taking her profits and clothes and disappears.
The guys are looking dumbfounded at each other.
Eventually, one asks: "Did you see what dice she rolled?"
"I do not know, I thought you were watching!"
My wife treats me like a God – every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering.
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.