Late in the night he regained consciousness.
He found himself in agonizing pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
He realized he'd obviously been in a serious accident.
She gave him a deep look straight into the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."
Somehow he managed to mumble in reply, "Can I feel your tits, then?"
That, my friends, is a positive attitude!
Vote:
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy?
No! Tell me about it.
It smells of $50 dollar bills.
Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert?
A: "Yes, the red wire."
Vote:
Guy: Wanna suck my dick?
Girl: No.
Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard!
Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?
My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another.
So far we’ve been up for three weeks.
I joined Bachelors Anonymous.
Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
Q: What's the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
A: Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.
Ckuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet...he scares the shit out of it.
Vote:
Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO.
Suddenly a very attractive blonde woman enters and bets $20,000 on a roll, saying: "I hope you do not mind, but I feel very lucky when I play naked."
With that, she unbuttons the zipper, takes her dress and underwear off, throw the dice and yells: "Come on baby, mama needs new clothes!"
She looks with agony and as soon as the dice stops, starts jumping up and down screaming: "YES, YES, YES I WON!"
She embraces one to one of the dealers, taking her profits and clothes and disappears.
The guys are looking dumbfounded at each other.
Eventually, one asks: "Did you see what dice she rolled?"
"I do not know, I thought you were watching!"
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.