Best jokes ever

A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."
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has 84.51 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: couple, mean, women
Before going to bed, the Boogeyman always checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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has 84.50 % from 1320 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Have you heard about the new aftershave that drives women crazy? No! Tell me about it. It smells of $50 dollar bills.
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has 84.49 % from 363 votes. More jokes about: money, women
Q: Famous last words of a bomb disposal expert? A: "Yes, the red wire."
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has 84.48 % from 45 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, work
I joined Bachelors Anonymous. Every time I feel like getting married they send round a woman in curlers to nag me for a while.
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has 84.47 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: marriage
My wife and I have agreed never to go to bed angry with one another. So far we’ve been up for three weeks.
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has 84.47 % from 210 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A guy at a bar was just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away." I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
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has 84.47 % from 305 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, life, wife
Two croupiers are sitting bored at the roulette of THE CASINO. Suddenly a very attractive blonde woman enters and bets $20,000 on a roll, saying: "I hope you do not mind, but I feel very lucky when I play naked." With that, she unbuttons the zipper, takes her dress and underwear off, throw the dice and yells: "Come on baby, mama needs new clothes!" She looks with agony and as soon as the dice stops, starts jumping up and down screaming: "YES, YES, YES I WON!" She embraces one to one of the dealers, taking her profits and clothes and disappears. The guys are looking dumbfounded at each other. Eventually, one asks: "Did you see what dice she rolled?" "I do not know, I thought you were watching!"
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has 84.46 % from 232 votes. More jokes about: blonde, money, work
My wife has a contract to give lectures – it’s called a marriage licence.
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has 84.46 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: marriage
A wife says, "Hey! Look at that funny guy who's been drinking a lot." The husband responds, "Who is he?" The wife answers, "Well, five years ago, he was my boyfriend and I denied him for marriage." "Oh my God! He's still celebrating his freedom!" says the husband.
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has 84.45 % from 79 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, life, marriage, mean, men
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