Best jokes ever

My wife just nudged me and said, "you weren't even listening, were you?". I thought, 'that's a strange way to start a conversation'.
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has 84.58 % from 96 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean
The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but his firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice, so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."
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has 84.58 % from 204 votes. More jokes about: black humor
Ckuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet...he scares the shit out of it.
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has 84.57 % from 1592 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund
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has 84.57 % from 2121 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, sport
Where's the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.
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has 84.56 % from 578 votes. More jokes about: IT
A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours." The guy left. A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left. The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back." A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?" Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
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has 84.55 % from 2994 votes. More jokes about: sex, time, work
Before going to bed, the Boogeyman always checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
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has 84.55 % from 1276 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. There's a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." The priest replies: "Get out. You're on my side."
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has 84.54 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: bar, church, food, life, priest
While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.
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has 84.53 % from 1110 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, life
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
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has 84.50 % from 1408 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
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