Young kids use a dating app on their phones.
Older kids use a dating website on their computers.
Adults use a matchmaking service to get dates.
Senior citizens meet potential dates at church events.
Anyone older than that will have to resort to carbon dating.
One morning, while she was making breakfast, the local fitness freak walked up to his wife, pinched her on the bum and said, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
This was a bit over the limit, but she controlled herself and replied with silence.
Next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on the breast.
"You know love if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bras."
That was too far over the limit.
She rolled over and grabbed him by the penis.
Maintaining a vice grip, she whispered in his ear, "You know dear if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the pool man, the gardener and your brother."
Girl, you should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand!
Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute.
The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Vote:
Chuck Norris kills 100% of germs.
Vote:
What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
Men always miss them.
Vote:
Yo mama so fat that when she works out too long she starts sweating cooking oil.
Paint a bar of soap completely with clear nail polish so it won't suds up.
Vote:
A little boy was taken to the dentist.
It was discovered that he had a cavity that would have to be filled.
"Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?"
"Chocolate, please," replied the youngster.
Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues.
What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!