Chuck Norris does not play computer games, he makes games play computer!
Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom.
The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet.
The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can.
The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain."
The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!"
The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark.
First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
Every phobia known to man has a phobia of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't go to therapy, therapy goes to Chuck Norris.
How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
"Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say ‘Hello'."
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.
Chuck Norris CAN leave Hotel California.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris has a diary.
It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf?
A: Because he ended up in the bunker.