A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry. "I am Gina the Great," stated the lady. "I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!" With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise. The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. "I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need." With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone. The floor nurse went next. "I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts." With a puff of smoke, she too was gone. "Now, what is the last wish?" asked the lady. The charge nurse said, "I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break."
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Doc, I think I need to wear glasses Indeed you have to, you are in a bank.
Devil stays in hell because he knows Chuck is around, here on earth.
Q: Why was Tigger's head in the toilet? A: He was looking for pooh!
Chuck Norris once won a Scrabble tournament despite getting only Z's and Q's in his rack.
A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "A shilling?" said the Justice, "It only takes shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go bury 20 of `em!"
Once Chuck Norris attempted to punch through a brick wall, but the brick wall crumbled in fear.
Yo' Mama is so fat, her Polo shirts come with real horses on the pocket.
My wife said to me, "For our anniversary I want to go somewhere I've never been before." So I said, "Try the kitchen!"