Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
Have you ever seen the serial number on a condom?
No?
Oh sorry, you must not have to roll it down that far.
Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out.
"You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest.
"God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years.
And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen?
A: A submarine.
A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
Vote:
Yo mama so old Moses is in her year book.
When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
Vote:
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands.
They are now The Islands.
Vote:
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray.
She looked confused and said, "What are these for?"
I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."