Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.
He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.
He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This damn thing is so heavy"
A priest heard him and came out.
"You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest.
"God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"
Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"
The priest replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"
Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"
A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years.
And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.
A man farts in bed next to his wife.
His wife asks, "What in the world was that?"
He replies, "Touchdown. I'm winning, seven nothing."
She decides to get even, so she lets one loose.
He yells at her, "What was that?"
She replies, "Touchdown, tie score."
He wants to get her back, but he tries so hard he sh*ts in bed.
The wife asks, "Now what in the world was that?"
He replies, "Halftime, switch sides."
Vote:
Yo mama so old Moses is in her year book.
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen?
A: A submarine.
When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.
Vote:
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands.
They are now The Islands.
Vote:
I stopped a girl in the street last night and handed her a rape alarm and some pepper spray.
She looked confused and said, "What are these for?"
I started unbuttoning my jeans and replied, "I like a challenge."
Q: What would men do if they had breasts?
A: They'd stay at home and play with them all day.
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.