How do you keep a blonde in suspense? "Present her with a mirror and tell her to wait for the other person to say ‘Hello'."
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? A: Forget-me-nuts.
Chuck Norris CAN leave Hotel California.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Q: Why did Hitler hate golf? A: Because he ended up in the bunker.
Across all of the infinite number of parallel universes the version of Chuck Norris is the same. Nature knows perfection when she sees it.
Change the coffee in the office coffee maker to decaf.
Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
Thundergun shot is a Chuck Norris sneeze.