Two starving cannibals, a father and son, were out trying to get something to eat.
They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came a little old man.
The son said, "Oh Dad, there’s one."
"No," said the father. "There’s not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We’ll just wait."
A little while later, along came a really fat man.
The son said, "Hey dad, he’s big enough."
"No," the father said. "We’d all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We’ll just wait."
About an hour later, there came this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there’s nothing wrong with that one Dad, let’s eat her."
"No," said the father. "Were not going to eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we’re going to take her back alive, and eat your mother."
Drake Bell: In honor of Kim and Kanye's baby "North West" I will be naming my first son "Taco".
Q: What sports team is the least safe around children?
A: The Nashville Predators.
Q: VWhy didn't the fixed dog cross the road?
A: Because he didn't have the balls to do it.
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life.
The doctor recommends Viagra.
They come back and see him in a couple of weeks.
The doctor says "how was the Viagra?"
The wife says "great I love it."
Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
Q: What 80's rock band is banned from New Orleans and why?
A: The Scorpions. Every time they're in town, they rock you like a hurricane.
You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.
Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops?
A: So they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus.
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "One burger!"
Whereupon the chef grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
"That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen," the old lady says.
"Yeah?" says the counterman. "You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."
Vote:
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.