Best jokes ever

Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love. The first woman said, “My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that.” The second woman proclaimed, “My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!” The third woman replied, “Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it’s going to be, when I finally get it…”
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, computer, husband, love
Steve rushed into a crowded tavern on Saturday night. Men and women stood 3 deep at the bar. Our man, who felt nature calling strongly, looked about him but couldn't see anything that resembled a bathroom. He saw a stairway and race up the steps to the second floor in his desperate search. Just as his bowels threatened to erupt, he spotted a one foot by one foot hole in the floor. Now, at the end of us control, he decided to take advantage of the hole. He dropped his pants, hunched over the hole, and did his thing. Thoroughly relieved and relaxed, he sauntered down the steps to find, to his surprise, that the bar which was crowded a few minutes ago, was now empty. "Hey!" He yelled to the empty room, "Where is everyone?" From behind the bar a voice responded, "Where were you when the poop hit the fan?"
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: bar, time
A woman walks into her doctor's office and says, "Doctor, I need to lose weight fast." And the doctor says, "Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt." Two months later she comes in and says, "Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was." But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down up and down... and he asks, "But where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies, "I don't have a nervous twitch, I'm chewing bubble gum."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: disgusting, doctor, food, women
The fastest, most effective way to learn about servant leadership is to take a puppy for a walk.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: dog, management
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: car, mean, women
The thing programming and essay writing have in common: the easier the writing is to use, the harder it is to write.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: coding, school
Q: How is a boss better than a wife? A: A boss at least pays you for making your life miserable.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life, management, money, wife
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking. They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired. Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?" Watson yawns and tries to play the game. LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny." "No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: life
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: communication, doctor, fat, food, women
Every morning Chuck Norris eats a bowl of nails for Breakfast... without milk.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, food
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