Paint a bar of soap completely with clear nail polish so it won't suds up.
Vote:
Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues.
What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!
I told my friend that she drew her eyebrows on too high.
She looked surprised.
Q: What do women and airplanes have in common?
A: They both have a cockpit.
So, a gay man goes to church one Sunday.
As the offering basket is passed, he drops in a big wad of bills.
When the basket gets back to the minister, he notices the wad of money and announces: "Someone here was very generous in the offering today. I would like to ask the person who gave this large amount of money to please stand."
The gay man stood up.
The minister continued, "Well, sir, we certainly do appreciate your generosity.
And to show our appreciation, I'm going to let you select your three favorite hymns."
"Okay," the gay man replied, "I'll take him, him and him!"
Yo momma is like a toilet; fat, white, and smells like shit.
There is no backspace button on Chuck Norris' keyboard.
Chuck Norris never makes mistakes.
Vote:
My New Year's resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year's resolutions.
Vote:
A chubbier woman: "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
Mirror: "Kindly move aside. I can't see anything."
Q: What is another name for a gynecologist?
A: A private investigator.