Chuck Norris can speak French in Russian.
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.
When Chuck Norris was a kid he didn't play with Lincoln Logs, he built real houses.
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
Chuck Norris uses battery acid for eye drops.
"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best" Sony 16:9
Chuck Norris puts all of his baskets in one egg.
When Chuck Norris steals a car he forces it to start.
A man and his son were walking through a field, and saw two dogs mating. The little boy asked his Dad what was happening. The father replied, “Well, son, they’re making a puppy.” The following evening, the little boy was thirsty, so he went from his bed to get a glass of water. Not being able to reach the glasses, he walked unannounced into his parents bedroom, who were making love in their usual missionary position. Confused, the boy asked what were they doing. The dad responded very slowly and caringly to his impressionanle little boy, “Well, son, we are making you a little brother.” The little boy replied ,”Please turn Mom over, Dad, I’d rather have a puppy!”
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin.