Best jokes ever

Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, wife
A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo. After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk. "Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks. The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf. "I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says. The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive." "Oh that's fine," she says. The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder. "$500" he says. "Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect." The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store. The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?" "No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Q: How are women and a hurricane alike? A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: cat, dirty, mean, weather, women
Three guys are stranded on a island; black guy, white guy, and a Mexican. They come across a Indian tribe, the chief said" go into the forest and pick a fruit and bring it back. We are going to shove it up your ass, if you scream we will cut off your head". The white guy goes in and brings back a banana they shove it up his ass he screamed soo they cut off his head. The Mexican goes in and comes back with a grape they shove it up his ass he screams. They all look at his and ask" why you scream?" The Mexican says" because the black guy is coming back with a watermelon.
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has 66.87 % from 287 votes. More jokes about: black people, desert island, food, mexican, racist
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"
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has 66.87 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: husband, sex, stupid, women
Me: Staring contest. Go! Me: O.O Friend: -.- Me: I win! You blinked! Haha Friend: You bastard, I'm asian!
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has 66.86 % from 374 votes. More jokes about: asian, racist
One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest." Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!"
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has 66.83 % from 149 votes. More jokes about: god, little Johnny, priest
What do you call a black guy in a suit?... Guilty.
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has 66.83 % from 215 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist
An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple in their bedroom. The husband turned to his wife and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen action in years. If he wants sex, I think it's best to just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it." "I'm so relieved you feel that way," replies his wife, "because he told me he thinks you're really cute."
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has 66.81 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: couple, husband, marriage, sex
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