When Chuck Norris asks you to stop mid-sentence, you.
Vote:
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.
Q: Why should you keep a blonde on the job 7 days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them every Monday.
Me driving by a Taco Bell.
Sign: Now Hiring Managers.
Two weeks later:
Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.
Vote:
I always arrive late to work, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Drug test?
What kind of drugs are we testing?
After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress.
"About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?"
"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."
Vote:
The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine:
1. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
A teller at our credit union was assisting a member with a loan application.
"Do you have references?" she asked.
The member replied, "Do they have to be living?"