When Chuck Norris asks you to stop mid-sentence, you.
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Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."
Why did the potato cross the road?
He saw a fork up ahead.
Q: What do women and airplanes have in common?
A: They both have a cockpit.
Knock, knock
Who's there?
I'm Mr, Farter.
Mr, Farter who?
I've brought some insecticides to give to your mother in law!
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It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.
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"Why do you keep going back to that fishing website?"
"I can't help it, I'm hooked."
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I would tell a joke about a bed, but it hasn't been made up yet.
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Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom.
The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet.
The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can.
The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain."
The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!"
The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark.
First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
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A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting.
Bernie turns to Marv and says, "Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too."
Marv smiles and says, "Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?"
Bernie says, "You’re going to have to help me out here a little. What’s the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?"
Marv grins again, "Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me…"
"Yes, yes, that’s it!" cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife: "Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?"
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