Q: Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted?
A: Because he was squatting.
When somebody is totally angry, why not say:
"Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
Vote:
Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
Vote:
Q: Why does the Avon Lady walk funny?
A: Because of her "Lipstick".
Vote:
Yo Momma so fat, she's gotta wake up in sections.
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a fence!
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
Vote:
"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
Vote:
A man working with an electric saw accidentally saws off all 10 fingers.
He rushes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Give me the fingers and I'll see what I can do."
"But I don't have the fingers!"
"Why didn't you bring the fingers?!" asks the incredulous doctor.
"Doc, I couldn't pick them up."
Vote:
A duck walks into a pet store and asked the owner if he sold “duck-food” here.
The owner said; “no, I don’t sell duck food here”.
The next day the duck went back to the same pet store, and asked the owner again if he sold “duck-food” here.
The owner became very angry and said; “if you ask me for “duck-food” one more time, I am going to nail your web feet to the floor!”
The duck came back on the third day and asked the owner of the pet store; “do you sell any hammer and nails here?”
The owner answered; “no, I don’t sell any hammer and nails here”.
The duck then asked; “do you sell any “duck-food” here”?