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When Chuck Norris steps on a crack he breaks another persons mother's back.
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One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.
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When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
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Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
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A family brings their elderly mother to a nursing home. The nurses bathe her and set her in a chair at a window. After a while, she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately straighten her up. Again, she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back to put her upright. This goes on all morning. Later, the family arrives and asks, "Are they treating you all right?" "It's pretty nice," the old woman replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
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Chuck Norris to Major Tom - Stay there.
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Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets!
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Which runs faster, hot or cold? Hot. Everyone can catch cold.
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What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
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Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
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