Yo Momma so fat, she's gotta wake up in sections.
You said this horse could jump as high as a ten foot fence and he can't jump at all.
Well neither can a fence!
Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical?
They have strong internal controls.
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"I can't wait for Father's Day" said no man ever.
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Your mama is so short, she was able to get an job application with the Oompa Loompas!
Q: Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted?
A: Because he was squatting.
When somebody is totally angry, why not say:
"Yes, young Skywalker. Come over to the dark side of the Force."
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Girlfriend: "I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. We should split."
Me: "Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."
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Q: Why does the Avon Lady walk funny?
A: Because of her "Lipstick".
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Three flies in a trashcan get trapped overnight in a bathroom.
The first fly goes to the sink, the second fly stays in the tub, and the third fly chooses the toilet.
The next morning, all the exhausted flies gather back in the garbage can.
The first fly says, "I'm exhausted! I almost got washed down the drain."
The second fly says, "I almost got squashed by feet in the shower!"
The third fly says, "The toilet was fine until it suddenly got dark.
First, I heard thunder, then it started to rain, and if it weren't for that big brown log, I surely would have drowned."
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