Q: What is the definition of an extroverted tax accountant?
A: Someone who stares at YOUR shoes when talking to you.
Vote:
A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist.
The woman asks for some good advices.
The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
Vote:
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine.
It's a Bordeaux collie.
I like my women like my morning coffee, falling off the roof of my car as I peel out of a gas station parking lot.
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."
Vote:
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she uses bacon as bandages.
Yo' Mama is so nasty, her crabs use her tampon string as a getaway rope.
When Chuck Norris asks you to stop mid-sentence, you.
Vote:
Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."
Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."
Camper: "Heard what?"
Farmer: "Of cows."
Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."
Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."
Camper: "So what? I have no secrets from cows."