Best jokes ever

Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
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has 66.90 % from 71 votes. More jokes about: dirty, time
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends' food looked like.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: food, friendship, internet, IT, technology
A woman walks into a dildo shop to buy a dildo. After a few minutes of looking around she approaches the clerk. "Excuse me, do you have anything bigger?" She asks. The clerk shows her a few items on the shelf. "I'm looking for something bigger than those," she says. The clerk pauses for a moment, "I think I might have what you're looking for, but it's expensive." "Oh that's fine," she says. The clerk leads her to the counter where he was sitting and pulls out a massive chrome cylinder. "$500" he says. "Oh wow," says the woman, "that is expensive, but it's perfect." The woman hands the clerk $500 and happily leaves the store. The store owner comes out and asks the clerk, "so have you sold any dildos?" "No, but I sold my thermos for $500."
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A man has came over to his wife in a request. She tells him to tie her to a bed and do whatever he wants. 3 hours later he is fucking hookers and watching football and porn with friend.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: communication, mean, men, sex, wife
A Mom goes to the store shopping. She tells to the children, "Your father will return very drunk. Undress him down to the waist and put him to sleep." "Why to the waist", the children interested. "Because your father has a large snake below and it can bite you." The mother returned and her children met her at the door, "Mom! Mom! Dad came home! We undress him all and put him to sleep." "Are you undressed him the entire", mother worried? "What happened with the snake?" "Don't worry, Mom!" proudly answered the children. "The snake was strangled with dad's belt, her eggs were trampled and the nest was burnt."
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: animal, drunk, life
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got on a motorcycle she didn't know how to open the window.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Mr. Smith's wife has been in a coma for four months. The nurses have come to realise that she moves every time they wash her crotch area. The doctors think hard about this. They bring in Mr. Smith and say that they have a good idea. Perhaps if he practices oral sex with her she will wake out of the coma. Mr. Smith would do anything so he asks for some privacy. He soon rushes out saying: "I think she's choking!"
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: dirty
A father was advising his son: "If you want to have a big and strong dick in future you have to eat more walnuts." Suddenly son's mother by an angry face shouted: "Why when you were child did'nt eat enough walnut yourself?"
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has 66.87 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: communication, dad, dirty, family, kids
The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her Irish husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn’t I tell you he was stupid?"
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has 66.87 % from 102 votes. More jokes about: husband, sex, stupid, women
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
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has 66.85 % from 129 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, fish
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