Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
How did that bullfight come out?
Oh, it was a toss-up.
Adam goes to God and says, "I would like a mate to please me and make living joyful. She should be beautiful and perfect in every way.
God says, "I can do that, but it will cost you a testicle, a kidney, and one eye."
To which Adam replied, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him.
Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case.
‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’
‘Why?’ asks the judge.
‘He won your acquittal.
Why do you want to have him arrested?’
Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
Q: What do a tornado and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to lose a trailer.
A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store.
After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine.
She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button.
Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine!
She continues to do this until a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient.
"Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"
In the war, a German ship suspected that they were being tracked by an Irish submarine.
Unfortunately, they had used up all of their depth-charges.
As an alternative, one of their Divers decided to swim down to the submarine and knock on the door.
What's the difference between a white naked woman and a black naked woman?
The white girl is seen in Playboy and the black chick is seen on National Geographic.
Vote:
One of Hitler's assistants says to him one day, "Sir, we're mining too many useless ores."
Hitler replies, "Well, mine less."
A grammar nazi then bursts through the door and shouts, "Mine FEWER!"
Hitler looks up and asks, "Yes?"