What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Chuck Norris can sink a hole in none!
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job. "Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks. "I can do great bird impressions", the man replies. "Pssh, a lot of people can do that". "Oh well", the man says and flies away.
Chuck Norris can get up to level 40 in Fallout 3.
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
I went to an ISIS birthday party once. The musical chairs were a bit slow but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a theme song because, you won't hear anything once your roundhouse kicked in the face.
If Chuck Norris misses a roundhouse-kick, you will still die.
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day. "You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss. "That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.