Best jokes ever

My teacher said, "If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier." I said, "I don't know about that Miss. Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder."
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has 83.67 % from 506 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
A frightened investor goes to his financial planner and asks if he’s at all worried about the volatility of the markets these days. The planner replies that he sure does! In fact, he says that he sleeps like a baby. The frightened investor was amazed! "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?" "Yup! I sleep for a couple of hours, and then I wake up and I cry for a couple of hours."
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has 83.67 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: baby, money, time
Bruce Springsteen calls Chuck Norris 'The Boss'.
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has 83.67 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Once there was a magical mirror. When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever. One day three college girls went to the mirror. The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one." Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world. The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one." Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money. Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*" Then she suddenly dissapearred forever
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has 83.66 % from 645 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, college, ginger, money
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
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has 83.64 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Chuck Norris did 5 successful suicide bomb missions
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has 83.63 % from 611 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
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has 83.62 % from 357 votes. More jokes about: women
“Doc, I think my son has VD,” a patient told his urologist on the phone, “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” “Okay, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed, “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.” “But I’ve been screwing the maid too, and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.” “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up,” replied the doctor. “Well,” the man admitted, “I think my wife has it too.” “Oh crap!” the physician roared, “That means we’ve all got it!”
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has 83.61 % from 722 votes. More jokes about: dirty, doctor, phone, wife, women
The wife bought a new see through nighty, wore it without any underclothes and came swinging before the husband. Aroused Husband says, "You look so beautiful and sexy my darling." The wife says, "I know that, I tried it the same way at the store and the salesman was the first one to tell me that."
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has 83.60 % from 1034 votes. More jokes about: husband, marriage, sex, wife
A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: "Can I see your dad?" Johnny: "No, he's in the shower." Salesman: "What about your mother? Can I see her?" Johnny: "Nope. She's in the shower, too." Salesman: "Do you think they'll be out soon?" Johnny: "Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead."
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has 83.60 % from 504 votes. More jokes about: dad, little Johnny
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