Best jokes ever

A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm. He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'." His wife says, "That's a duck." He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."...
Vote: has 83.87 % from 573 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, duck, wife
A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased. "This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop. "My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop. "But how do we know which is which?" They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea. "Lets cut off this ones tail" The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail. The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad. The two cops see this and ask whats wrong. "You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!" "But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart." "Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"
Vote: has 83.86 % from 68 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop
Chuck Norris can win an argument with his wife.
Vote: has 83.83 % from 904 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris
There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out." "That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned. "Get my brown pants."
Vote: has 83.81 % from 43 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: beauty, life, pirate
Two foreign immigrants have just arrived in the United States by boat and one says to the other, "I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replies, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, one of the immigrants points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk toward the cart. "Two dogs, please," she says. The vendor is only too pleased to oblige, wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter. Excited, the companions hurry to a bench and begin to unwrap their "dogs." One of them opens the foil and begins to blush. Staring at it for a moment, she turns to her friend and whispers cautiously, "What part did you get?"
Vote: has 83.80 % from 201 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Vote: has 83.78 % from 229 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
A young officer is working late at the Pentagon one evening. As he comes out of his office about 8 P.M. he sees the General standing by the classified document shredder in the hallway, a piece of paper in his hand. “Do you know how to work this thing?” the General asks. “My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it.” “Yes, sir,” says the young officer, who turns on the machine, takes the paper from the General, and feeds it in. “Now,” says the General, “I just need one copy…”
Vote: has 83.76 % from 172 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: military, time
Two boys go into a forest and walk around. Suddenly they see a naked women, then one of the boys run away. The other chases after him. The boy asked "Why did u run away?" The other said "My mom told me if i saw a naked women i'd turn to stone, i already felt something getting getting hard."
Vote: has 83.75 % from 695 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: dirty, women
Teacher: "I killed a person, tell me this sentence in future tense." Student: "In future tense, You will go to jail."
Vote: has 83.74 % from 380 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: school
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Vote: has 83.74 % from 380 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Chuck Norris