Best jokes ever

A rich man and a poor man were sitting at a bar having a few drinks and they got chatting. after a while they realise both of there wedding anniverserys are the next day. Poor man, "What did you get your wife for her wedding anniversery?" Rich man, "I got her a pink farrari and a diamond ring." Poor man, "What made you choose those gifts?" Rich man, "She loves fast cars and I wasnt sure about the ring so if she doesnt like it, she can take it back in her new car... " The poor, "Man nodds in agreement." Rich man, "What did you get your wife?" Poor man, "I got my wife a pair of cheep slippers and a dildo." Rich man, "Why did you choose those gifts?" Poor man, " Well if she doesnt like the slippers she can go f*uck herself."
Vote:
has 83.68 % from 365 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Programmer. A person who fixed a problem that you don't know you have, in a way you don't understand.
Vote:
has 83.67 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: coding, computer, geek, IT, programmer
Bruce Springsteen calls Chuck Norris 'The Boss'.
Vote:
has 83.67 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A frightened investor goes to his financial planner and asks if he’s at all worried about the volatility of the markets these days. The planner replies that he sure does! In fact, he says that he sleeps like a baby. The frightened investor was amazed! "Really? Even with all the fluctuations?" "Yup! I sleep for a couple of hours, and then I wake up and I cry for a couple of hours."
Vote:
has 83.67 % from 51 votes. More jokes about: baby, money, time
Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Vote:
has 83.65 % from 248 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Wife to husband: ‘My mother says I should never have married you. She says you’re effeminate.’ Husband: ‘Compared to her everyone is.’
Vote:
has 83.64 % from 206 votes. More jokes about: marriage
Once there was a magical mirror. When you told the thruth it gave you things, but if you lie to it, it makes you vanish forever. One day three college girls went to the mirror. The red head said "I think I'm the smartest one." Then she got a diploma, scholarship, and got accepted into all the colleges in the world. The brunette then said "I think I'm the prettiest one." Then she got a Corvette, mansion, a good looking boyfriend , and a lot of money. Then the blonde said " I think...*poof*" Then she suddenly dissapearred forever
Vote:
has 83.63 % from 644 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, college, ginger, money
Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Vote:
has 83.62 % from 357 votes. More jokes about: women
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Vote:
has 83.62 % from 983 votes. More jokes about: cop, little Johnny
My teacher said, "If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier." I said, "I don't know about that Miss. Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder."
Vote:
has 83.60 % from 504 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny
<<<55565758
More jokes →
Page 55 of 1427.