Mummy, mummy, why is daddy swaying in the backyard? Shut up, and give me more bullets.
Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. "How do you breathe through something so small?"
Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
Chuck Norris can see all 50 states from his house.
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
50Cent used to be called DollarBill but Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked him to the face and now he's half the man he used to be.
Chuck Norris once played The Price Is Right. The prices attempted to guess the numbers Chuck Norris was thinking of.
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
If at first you don't succeed, you are not Chuck Norris.