Once someone forgot to stand up when Chuck Norris entered the room.
Chuck roundhouse kicked him into the man behind him creating a nuclear explosion.
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Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Q: How does a blonde part her hair?
A: By doing the splits.
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
Person 1: What's the difference between a blonde and garbage?
Person 2: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week.
Person 1: Wrong. You tie the garbage up before you take it out.
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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When I offer you food it's just because my mother raised me right.
As a firend, read the truth in my eyes and politely decline.
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Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
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