Where does the devil go when he dies? He goes to Chuck Norris for an eternity of roundhouse kicks.
Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it?? A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!
Yo mama is so fat when she wears red they say look a firetruck.
Chuck Norris caught a bullet with the same gun he fired it from.
Yo mamas so fat she fits on both sides of the bed.
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter. The day of delivery arrived. Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room. Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!” The partner agreed to do that. About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face. “What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant. The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
How does a blond spell farm? E-I-E-I-O
Q: Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible? A: He thought he saw a job.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter. To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.