Chuck Norris once stared death in the face... Death pissed his pants.
How do you hide a nigger in a coal shed? Kick his teeth in.
Q: What do you call a Chinese person with a video camera? A: Phil Ming
Wife:"I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband:"You have perfect eyesight."
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
They wanted to put Chuck Norris's face on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.
Remember the black guy from the Jetsons? Ain't the future great?
Me: "Here comes the airplane!" Baby: Opens mouth. Me: "OH NO! It's the Taliban!" Hits baby in the forehead with the spoon. "KA-BOOM"
I’m leaving you... You’re constantly sneering at my overweight... But honey, what about our kid? What kid? So you are not you pregnant?!
Q: What do you call nuts on a wall? A: Wallnuts Q: What do you call nuts on your chest? A: Chest nuts Q: What do you call nuts on your chin? A: A penis in your mouth