Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the Widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned." She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?" "Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman, "He got out three times to go to the men's room."
If Chuck Norris were to get into a fight with another Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris would win.
R. Lee Ermey's war face is the face he made when he saw Chuck Norris ready to attack.
Chuck Norris Turns his grass emo so it will cut itself.
Chuck Norris became a firefighter, after hearing of his decision fire ceased to be an element.
Chuck Norris is the reason you turn a light on when you enter a room.
Yo mama is so stinky that she scared the fly's off the shit wagonrn.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and a drunk are in a bar when they spot a hundred pounds on the floor. Who gets it? The drunk – the other three are mythological creatures.
A boss has to fire one of 2 workers, Jack and Jill. However, Both Jack and Jill are skilled workers and he is finding it really, really difficult to pick. So after their shifts, Jack goes home before Jill does, and the boss goes over to Jill just before she gets into her car. He informs her of his dilemma. "Hey Jill, I have a problem." "Ok Boss, what is it?" she asks "I Can't decide whether to lay you or Jack off, what would you suggest?" "Well, you'd better get the vasoline, i'm going home!"
"Sorry sir, are these plastic flowers?" "As natural!" "What? They are natural?" "No, plastic!" "But, for Christ Sake, sir! Are they natural or plastic?" "Natural plastic!"