What is the best type of ship?
FRIENDSHIP!
Vote:
A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency?
He said quickly Obama.
When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a Kenyan and won?
Rules of fighting:
1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight.
2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.
Vote:
A man walks into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper.
He sits down and orders a beer. After taking a drink he sees the guy next to him go over to the window and jump out!
"Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out the window!"
The bartender does nothing.
So the man takes another sip.
A minute later the same guy walks in, orders another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again.
"Jesus! He just jumped again!"
The bartender ignores the man. So the man sits puzzled.
The guy comes back into the bar, and orders another drink.
"How did you survive that jump?"
"I ordered a floatie drink, if you drink it in a certain amount of time, you can float."
So the guy quickly orders a floatie drink.
He takes it from the bartender, and chugs it.
He then jumps out the window and... SPLAT!
Right on the sidewalk!
The Bartender then says, "You know, Superman... you can be a real jerk when youre drunk."
Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
Vote:
Yo mama is so fat, when she's on an elevator, she has to go down!
Yo mamma is so fat when she went to the movie theater people said "Look at king Kong in 3D."
Sometimes I use really big words which I don't understand to make me seem more photosynthesis.
Vote:
I keep getting bills from the Memory Erasing Clinic but I've never been there.
Yo mama is so fat she doesn't need the internet.
She is already world-wide!