Q: What do you get if you cross a dirty politician with a filthy womanizer? A: Chelsea.
My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
Q: Why did they invent white chocolate? A: So all black kids could get their faces messy too.
Yesterday, government scientists suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
I'm an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
Q: Why don't witches wear underwear? A: For a better grip on there broomstick!
Q: Did you hear that joke about the infinite line? A: Don’t worry, It doesn’t have a point!
Q: What do you call an Asian family tree? A: A rice bush.
Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans? A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
I'm not racist, some of my best slaves are black.