Best jokes ever

Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: bird, health, internet
Chuck Norris is the reason Pluto is no longer a planet.
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
What is the difference between an pilot and a pig? The pig doesn't turn into a pilot when it's drunk.
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: air force, animal, drunk
Dad: "Who do you think the committee screwed this year?" Me: "Mom."
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: dirty, family, time, work
A social worker is facing a mugger with a gun. "Your money or your life!" says the mugger. "I'm sorry," the social worker answers, "I am a social worker, so I have no money and no life."
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has 58.77 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: life, money, work
A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube." The man says, "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I'll have a really bad asthma attack." "Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death." "Well, then, we need a urine sample." "I'm sorry, officer, I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that, I'll get really low blood sugar." "All right, then I need you to come out here and walk this white line." "I can't do that, officer." "Why not?" "Because I'm drunk."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, cop, death, drunk
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals. The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers. This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo. It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: animal
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby? Threesomes.
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
A blonde takes her typewriter to the doctor. "Doc, I'm afraid my typewriter is pregnant." The doctor asks, "Why in the world would you think that?" She says, "Because it's started missing its period."
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Too stupid to understand science? Try religion!
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has 58.75 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: life
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