An old lady was considering buying a squirrel fur coat.
"But will it be all right in the rain?" she asked anxiously.
"Oh certainly, ma am," said the manager smoothly.
"After all, you've never seen a squirrel with an umbrella have you?"
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat.
He came across two men.
One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter.
The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him.
Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
Why was the man sued by his horse?
For palomino-money!
Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.
Q: How does a blonde part her hair?
A: By doing the splits.
Two snakes were crawling along when one snake asked the other, "Are we poisonous?"
The other replied, "You're darn right we are! We're rattlesnakes. Why do you ask?"
To which the first replied, "Because I just bit my tongue"
Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
How can you tell if a man is lying?
You can see his lips moving.
There was once a ship that wouldn't let chuck norris on board.
It is now known as titanic
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