Best jokes ever

A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: couple, food, marriage, sex, wife
Yo' Mama is so skinny, she uses dental floss for toilet paper.
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
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has 63.51 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: golf, men, sport, winter, women
When is the only time you smile and wink at a nigger? When you are looking through the scope on your rifle.
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has 63.50 % from 744 votes. More jokes about: black people
A fish is to water as Mexican is to lawn mower.
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has 63.49 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: racist
Yo mommas so black that when she walked outside the street lights turned on.
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has 63.49 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: black people, insulting, Yo mama
Yo mama's so fat, her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a milk dud.
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has 63.49 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Two condoms walk into a gay bar, look at each other and say "let's get shit-faced!"
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has 63.49 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay
Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?" Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied. "Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey. And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
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has 63.49 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: beauty, kids, little Johnny, mean, poems
Two men were talking: First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?" Second: "Yo mama's pussy."
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has 63.48 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, sex, vulgar, Yo mama
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