One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don’t speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to “secure a building,” they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
Chuck Norris can sit in the shade...in an open field.
Smoke a smoke Not a butt Fuck a virgin Not a slut.
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet. "Yes, teacher," he said, "my dad taught me." "Good, Johnny. Tell me what comes after two," the teacher said. "Three," replied little Johnny. "Very good. What comes after five, Johnny?" asked the teacher. "Six," answered little Johnny. "Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now, what comes after ten?" the teacher asked. "A Jack!" replied little Johnny.
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
Question: Why do men fart more than women? Answer: Because women won’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Boy asks his Gran nervously, "have you seen my pills ... they were labeled LSD ?" Gran replies "fuck your pills ! Have you seen the dragon in the kitchen ?!"
Two blondes were repairing a roof, with one working on one side and one on the other. After a while, one blonde noticed that her friend would carefully examine each nail before hammering it down, but half of the time she would toss the nail behind her after examining it. Figuring that there couldn't be that many bad nails, she yelled out to her friend: "Why are you tossing out all those nails?" "Well, those were all pointing the wrong way!" was the response. Infuriated, the first blonde bellowed "You, idiot! Those are for my side of the roof!!"
Right angles used to be called wrong angles until Chuck said, "I don't see anything wrong with them."
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can startle his own reflection.