Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? A: Of course, a house doesn't jump at all
Everyone could tell our son was a Tigers fan. When he was handed his diploma, he dropped it.
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food but no atmosphere.
Q: How did the wanna-be-hipster die? A: Trying to cross the mainstream!
The Universe is not expanding. It's running away from Chuck Norris.
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
You are so old, if you to acted your age, you'd die.
What's a skunk's philosophy of life? Eat, stink and be merry.
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
An accountant and a lawyer were laying on a beach in Hawaii sipping mai tai's. The lawyer started telling the accountant how he came to be there. "I had this downtown property in Memphis that caught fire and after the insurance paid off, I came here." The accountant said, "I had a downtown property, too, in Miami. It got flooded so here I am with the insurance proceeds." The lawyer took another sip of his mai tai, and then asked in a puzzled voice, "How do you start a flood?"