An old seamstress is slowly walking back to her job from lunch, when a flasher jumps out of an alley and opens his coat wide.
The old woman looks him up and down, shakes her head sadly, and says "You call that a lining?"
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Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies?
A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
When we moved to the US I was 8 years old.
I remember asking my father if I can have an allowance?
When he asked me what that was, I said you're allowed to give me money.
Two old drunks in a bar.
The first one says,
"Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands.
By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard.
"By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.
I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"
"So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"
Yo mama so old her drivers license in hieroglyphics.
Yo mama is so old she was electrocuted with steam.
My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing.
But I mean, 41 years, still alive.
I kinda got it.
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
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Yo mama so old her social security number is 3!
What weighs 35 tons, has four fuzzy ears and is 80 million years old?
Two rabbits riding a brontosaurus.