Q: Do you know why women over fifty don't have babies?
A: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Yo mama is so old, that when she farts all that comes out is dust.
Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.
A young girl with a bag is crossing the customs.
Customs officers check her bag and find some kind of powder.
They ask the girl: "What kind of powder is that?"
"Heroin"
"But heroin is matte-white, and this powder is orange."
"This is a kids' heroine – orange taste."
Chuck Norris helps little old ladies cross the street...
Bad guys get kicked to the curb!
How can you tell which rabbits are the oldest in a group?
Look for gray hares.
Yo mama is so old that God doesn't remember her.
Chuck Norris got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.
A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom
"You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?"
"Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops."
(WHACK...she spanks him)
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."