The best age jokes

My yoga instructor says I need to work on my breathing. But I mean, 41 years, still alive. I kinda got it.
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has 60.75 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: age, life, sport
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip.
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has 60.72 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex
Your mama so old she was friends with Cleopatra.
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has 60.65 % from 44 votes. More jokes about: age, friendship, Yo mama
A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."
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has 60.15 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: age, food, kids
An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills." His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, marriage, viagra, wife
Yo momma is so old that her first Christmas was the first Christmas.
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has 59.95 % from 49 votes. More jokes about: age, Christmas, time, Yo mama
Yo mama is so old she was electrocuted with steam.
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has 59.80 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: age, Yo mama
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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has 59.78 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, black humor, food
A Marine was going in for his physical. He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend. After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids. He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit. The DR came in. After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life. Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.' Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir." Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?" Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?" The DR. signed the paperwork. Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."
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has 59.41 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: age, doctor, health, navy, sex
Yo mama so old her social security number is 3!
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has 59.19 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: age, insulting, Yo mama
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