Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
Leeroy is talking to his parents about his problems: "Mummy, whenever I try to play with the white boys and girls, they always call me a nigger - why is that? "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." "And mummy, why do the teachers shout at me and tell me to go away, but they are nice to the white boys and girls?" "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are black." Then Leroy grins and says "Well, whenever I'm in the shower with the white boys I notice that my penis is much bigger than their penises." "Well," replies his mum, "that's because you are 37."
You are so old, you fart dust.
A college math professor and his wife are both 60 years old. One evening the wife comes home and finds a note from her husband. It says: "My dear, now that you are 60 years old, there are some things you no longer do for me. I am at the Holiday Inn with my 20-year-old student. Don't bother waiting up for me." He returns home late that night to find a note from his wife: "You, my dear, are also 60 years old and there are also things I need that you're not giving me. So, I am at the Motel 6 with one of your 20-year-old students. Being a math professor, I'm sure you know that 20 goes into 60 way more than 60 goes into 20. So, don't YOU wait up for ME."
4-year-old: Why are you my dad? Me: Because I made you. 4: How? Me: ... 4: O.o Me: ... 4: O.O Me: With Legos.
When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.
Chuck Norris is not 70 years old. At age 60, he began getting younger. This is why he is actually only 50.
Q: What's the difference between acne and a Roman Catholic Priest from the Vatican? A: Acne would wait until you're at least 13 before it would cum on your face!
Chuck Norris was born Sept. 1 1945. World War 2 ended Sept. 2 1945. What a coincidence.