This eighty year old couple were celebrating their 60th anniversary and the wife says to her husband, " Honey lets get stark naked and sit at the dinning table and eat our dinner!" As they sat at the dinning table the wife says, "Honey I am beginning to get very hot and very aroused!" The husband says, " That is because you have your tits in the soup!"
A 90 year old women goes to the doctor. Dr i can't stop farting, sure they don't smell and make no noise but still i can't take it any more. Well take these pills every day and come back in a week. Dr what did you do to me not only am i still farting now they smell as well! Oh very well , now about your hearing...
Yo mama so old when she raised her eyebrows they fell off.
Andrew went to Medical Insurance to apply for his pension. The woman behind the bench asked for his driving license to verify his age, but he had left his wallet home. He said to her that he had to go home and return later. The woman said: "Unbuckle your shirt." And so he did, revealing his curly, gray hair of his chest. "These gray hair is quite a nice proof for me," she said and continued with his application form. When Andrew went home, he said to his wife what had happened. "You should have taken your pants off," she said, "Maybe you would have taken disability pension too!"
Little Johnny was sitting in class one day and he really needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled, "Teacher, Teacher, I have to go pee pee!" The teacher replied, "Now, Johnny, you should be old enough to know that this is not the proper word to use?" "The correct word would be urinate." "Now Johnny, would you please use the word urinate in a sentence?" Little Johnny thought for a moment then said:, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger boobs you'd be a ten!"
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "Youre under 18," replies the barman.
A young lad is sitting at the table doing his homework. Dad, he says, "What is the difference between 'potentially' & 'realistically'"? Father scratches his chin, inhales sharply and says,"That's a tough one; it's probably easier to demonstrate. Go & ask your mother if she would sleep with the milkman for 1 million quid; then ask your sister the same question" ... 2 minutes later, the lad is back. "Dad, they both said for 1 million quid...? Definitely!" Well son, says the old man, "There is your answer; potentially, we are sitting on 2 million quid; realistically, we are living with a pair of slags..!
Two guys are talking about their boss's upcoming wedding. One bloke says, "It's ridiculous, he's rich, but he's 95 years old, and she's just 24! What kind of a wedding is that?" The other says, "Well, we have a name for it in my family." "What do you call it?" "We call it a football wedding." The first asks, "What's a football wedding?" The other says, "She's waiting for him to kick off!"
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.