For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.
An old Jewish beggar was out on the street, begging with his tin cup. A man passed by and the beggar said to the man, "Sir, could you spare 3 cents for a cup of coffee?" And the man said, "Where do get coffee for 3 cents?" And the beggar said, "Who buys retail?"
Chuck Norris gets younger by the kill.
A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor. Doctor said: "It is nothing to worry about. It is due to old age." Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not pain?"
When Chuck Norris was 12 years old, he mauled a pit bull.
Q: What's the similarity between a woman and dog poop? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio. They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church. The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.'' So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart. The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis. The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''
The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
John: How old are you? Peter: Hmmm..I'm 7 John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.
Yo mama so old when she raised her eyebrows they fell off.