A trio of old veterans were bragging about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall. “My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.” “Mine,” boasts another, “went down with Custer at the Battle of Little Big Horn.” “I’m the only soldier in my family,” confessed vet number three, “but if my great grandfather was living today he’d be the most famous man in the world.” “Really? What’d he do?” his friends wanted to know. “Nothing much. But he would be 165 years old.”
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
What is so special about the retirement age? "It is the time when one acquires sufficient experience to lose one's job."
A 7-year-old boy and a 40-year old man are walking together in a dark forest. The young boy says, "I'm afraid..." The 40-year-old man replies," You're afraid?! I have to walk out of here alone!"
A crocodile has 2 eyes and 80 teeth. Question: What has 80 eyes and 2 teeth? Answer: A full bus of old men.
Q: What did the pedophile say when he was released from prison? A: "I feel like a kid again."
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
A: What does 70-year-old p***y taste like? A: Depends.
I saw the priest watching pornography. Should I get jelous? -Johnny, 11 years old.
Why doesnt a man eat out an 80 year old woman? Ever opened up a grilled cheese?