The best age jokes

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
Vote: has 53.18 % from 26 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, death, life, time
Mother: Come on Pete you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for the college. Peter: O mum do I have to, all the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me too. Mother: Yes you do. Peter: Give me a good reason Mother: You're 52 and you are the Principal!
Vote: has 53.04 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, college, school
A woman was standing naked, looking herself at the mirror. She was not satisfied with what she was looking at and said to her husband: "I feel awful. I look old, fat, and ugly. I really need a compliment right now." Her husband replied: "Your vision is perfectly nice!" ...and then the fight started.
Vote: has 53.03 % from 181 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, fat, husband, marriage
John: How old are you? Peter: Hmmm..I'm 7 John: You know what, when I was your age, I was also 7.
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, kids
There was an old married couple who love each other very much. But each morning as he was waking up the husband let out a huge nasty wet fart with his wife right in the bed next to him. The wife always says "One day you're going to fart your guts out if you don't stop." Then one day the wife snapped she won't take it anymore and she got up extra early when downstairs and got the guts out of a turkey and put it in the bed behind. She went back downstairs to wait and then she heard the loud disgusting fart all the way down the stairs and then she hears nothing for a long while. Just as she's about to go upstairs and check on her husband he comes stomping down the steps and he says "Honey you were right after I get my guts out but with the grace of God and these two fingers I managed to shove them back up there again."
Vote: has 52.93 % from 18 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, disgusting, fart, life, marriage
While my six-year-old daughter of the space age and I were reviewing some old photographs, we came across a picture of me when I was a captain in the Army Reserves. “Daddy, were you in a war?” “Yes,” I fibbed, just to see what her reaction would be. Wide-eyed, she gasped, “Against what planet?”
Vote: has 52.77 % from 48 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, dad, military
Men are like......Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are
Vote: has 52.50 % from 38 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, food, men
Doctor: "Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is only an indication of old age." Husband: "Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?"
Vote: has 52.49 % from 23 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, husband, wife, women
An old woman wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy. The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common."
Vote: has 52.41 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, cat, marriage, old people, wife
This 12 year old boy was in bed when he heard his mother moaning. He decided that he'd go see whats wrong with her. When he looked in his mothers room he saw that she was laying on her bed naked and rubbing herself and saying"I need a man, I need a man" So this quite a few times and then one night he heard his mother again, but this time her moaning sounded different, so he went to go check it out, this time instead of seeing his mother alone, he sees his mother in bed with a man. So the boy runs back to his room, strips all his clothes off, jumps on the bed and starts rubbing himself while saying "I need a bike, I need a bike"!!!!!
Vote: has 52.21 % from 171 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, masturbation, sex


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