Joke #10537

For his surprise 50th birthday party, Chuck Norris turned up early. No one surprises Chuck Norris.
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A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
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Chuck Norris was born feet first. It was the only time a doctor died during childbirth.
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Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer.
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In the late 80's When Michael Jackson first met Chuck Norris he turned white.
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Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. When an old Grandpa walked by. And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are.” The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.” One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.” Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!” Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?” Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
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When Chuck Norris was 8 years old he got into a pillow fight with his older brother, that's why he's now an only child.
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The easiest way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.
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You are so old, the candles on your birthday cake raised earths temperature by 3 degrees.
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Chuck norris was born on May 6 1945. De Nazi surrenderd on May 7 1945.
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Chuck Norris found the fountain of youth, but...he wasn't thirsty.
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