YO momma is so old, I slit her throat and dust came out!
Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home.
When an old Grandpa walked by.
And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We bet we can tell exactly how old you are.”
The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”
One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can!
Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.
Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…
“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”
Vote:
Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen.
Twice.
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Three grandsons of ex Army Men were boasting about their grandfathers.
"My great grandfather," one declared proudly, "made the army proud by joining the army at the age of 12."
"Mine," boasts another, "got 12 bravery medals."
"He was the only soldier in my family," confessed the third one, "but if my great grandfather was living today he'd be the most famous man in the world."
"Really? What'd he do?" his friends wanted to know.
"Nothing much.
But he would be 152 years old."
Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved and is bisexual.
She needs to go live with her Aunty and Uncle in Bel-Air.
Q: What do you call a 80 year old black guy?
A: Antique farm equipment.
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Q: What’s so good in f***ing twenty six year olds?
A: That they are twenty…
Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago.
The grim reaper just hasn't summed up enough courage to face Chuck Norris.
Vote:
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
Vote:
A married couple in their 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish.
"I want to travel around the world with my darling husband", says the wife
...2 tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hand !
Husband says "sorry love, my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me ..."
So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92 !