A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. But, to his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was standing. St. Peter greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?” St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!”
Yo mama is so old that she's mentioned in the shout out at the end of the bible.
Q: What does an old woman have that a young woman doesn't? A: A belly button between her boobs.
An advertisement: I change 40-year-old wife to two 20-years-old ones. Do not offer four 10-year-old ones.
A wife to her husband as they watch their young son playing: "He's such a sensitive child. Let's wait until he's older before we tell him you're an accountant."
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. “What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?” “Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I cant serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "Youre under 18," replies the barman.
Q: What did the baby owl's parents say when he wanted to go to a party? A: "You're not owld enough."
Yo' Mama is so old, she has sour cream in her boobs.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.