The best alcohol jokes

So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper says "Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!".
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A motorcycle cop pulls over a driver. ‘Have you been drinking, sir?’ says the cop. ‘Why?’ says the driver. ‘Is there a fat chick in my car?’
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
One cure for a cold consists of three shots of whisky. There are better remedies, but most people don’t want to hear them.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I can tell when my wife drinks. Her face gets blurred.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, heaven
A gorilla walks into a pub, pulls up a stool, and orders beer. The bartender gives him a mug and says, "that'll be five bucks." As the gorilla reaches for his pocket, the bartender adds, "you know, we don't usually get many gorilla customers in here." The gorilla shrugged and replies, "at five bucks a beer, it's no wonder . . ."
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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