The best alcohol jokes

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day." "Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay." The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!" On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?" The man downs the first drink and shakes his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
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A man is staggering home drunk late at night when he’s stopped by a policeman. ‘What are you doing out here at this time of night?’ asks the officer. ‘I’m going to a lecture,’ replies the man. ‘And who’s going to give a lecture at this hour?’ asks the policeman. ‘My wife,’ replies the man.
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The Australian rugby team is being driven through Dublin. The driver shouts out, ‘And if you look to your left you’ll see we’re going past the biggest pub in the city.’ A voice from the back shouts, ‘Why?’
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A man who goes into the pub optimistically often comes out misty optically.
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Where does an Irish family go on holiday? A different bar.
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A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
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Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
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I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
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Liquor may be a slow poison, but who’s in a hurry?
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