The best alcohol jokes

A patient comes to a doctor, who asks him: - Do you smoke? - No. - Do you drink? - No. - Do you eat fast food? - No. - Don't worry, I'll find something anyways...
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, doctor, life
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse... And his favorite drink is punch...
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has 39.42 % from 36 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, Chuck Norris, life
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A stewardess approaches a passenger on a flight. ‘Would you care for an orange juice, sir?’ The passenger replies, ‘Sure, if it needed me.’
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
The Australian rugby team is being driven through Dublin. The driver shouts out, ‘And if you look to your left you’ll see we’re going past the biggest pub in the city.’ A voice from the back shouts, ‘Why?’
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A plastic surgeon invented a radical new face lift procedure and was explaining it to a prospective patient. He told her, “I’ll install a special screw in the top of your skull. Your hair will cover it so it will be unnoticed. Whenever you need a little tuck, we’ll just tighten the screw a little,… and the wrinkles will disappear!” The woman was enthused and told the doctor to, “GO FOR IT!” The surgery was a resounding success, and the woman went home happy. A few months later, the woman returned in a great state of agitation. She pointed to her face and said, “Just look at these bags under my eyes! Where the hell did they come from?” The surgeon looked at her closely and said, “Those aren’t BAGS under your eyes. Those are your breasts. And if you keep messing around with that screw,… pretty soon you’ll have a goatee!”
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has 39.32 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, doctor
Q: Whats the difference between Amy Winehouse and Captain Morgan? A: Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke!
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has 38.26 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, celebrity, dirty, drug, music
When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
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has 37.92 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids
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