The best alcohol jokes

What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk goes to work.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Good advice for cocktail parties: If you can’t say something nice about someone, just hold your drink and listen to others who can’t either.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
I drink so much alcohol I’m afraid to smoke.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
Vote: has 34.78 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much? A: A beer-a-cuda!
Vote: has 33.37 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
A single woman who retired just a few months back walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch in her neighborhood. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise." "That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?' "Twenty-six," he said.
Vote: has 32.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: age, alcohol, life, old people, women
An Irish man walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants. "Hey," he says, "What's with the steering wheel down your pants?" "Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all Night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, business, wife
Two guys are fishing when one of them catches a fish. He brings it in the boat and as he cuts it open to clean it, a genie pops out and says, "Thanks for freeing me. I will grant you one wish." The fisherman looks around and says, "Well, we are almost out of beer, how about you turn this whole damn lake into beer". *POOF* the genie grants his wish and leaves. His partner slaps him on the chest and says, "What the hell did you do that for, now we have to piss in the boat!!"
Vote: has 31.56 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, beer, fish, genie