One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat.
He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
How do you caculate the population of Russia?
You roll a bottle of vodka down the street.
Q:How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking?
A:He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
He drank like a fish.
Which would have been okay if he’d drunk what the fish drinks.
I gave up alcohol last year.
It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
I can tell when my wife drinks.
Her face gets blurred.
It’s people that give drinking a bad name.
Chuck Norris lives in a Roundhouse...
And his favorite drink is punch...
Vote:
John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
"You should be ashamed of yourself young man!
Drinking is a Sin!
Alcohol is the blood of the devil!"
Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes on the offensive.
"How do you know this, Sister?"
"My Mother Superior told me so."
"But have you ever had a drink yourself?
How can you be sure that what you are saying is right?"
"Don’t be ridiculous – of course I have never taken alcohol myself"
"Then let me buy you a drink – if you still believe afterwards that it is evil I will give up drink for life"
"How could I, a Nun, sit outside this public house drinking?!"
"I’ll get the barman to put it in a teacup for you, then no one will ever know."
The Nun reluctantly agrees, so John goes inside to the bar.
"Another pint for me, and a triple vodka on the rocks", then he lowers his voice and says to the barman "and could you put the vodka in a teacup?"
"Oh no!
It’s not that Nun again is it?"