Why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color.
A guy goes into a bar and says, "Quick, gimme a beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks around the sleepy bar, shrugs and hands the guy a bottle of beer. The guy drinks it fast. "Quick! gimme another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman looks at the guy oddly but hands another beer to the guy. The guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman hands him another beer, with a frown on his face, but hands it over reluctantly. Again, the guy drinks it fast. "Quick another beer before the trouble starts!" The barman replies, "Look pal, exactly what trouble are you talking about?" "I haven't got any money!"
So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper says "Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!".
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts.
Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
I can tell when my wife drinks. Her face gets blurred.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?