The best alcohol jokes

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A motorcycle cop pulls over a driver. ‘Have you been drinking, sir?’ says the cop. ‘Why?’ says the driver. ‘Is there a fat chick in my car?’
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
I can tell when my wife drinks. Her face gets blurred.
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has 39.47 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR.
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has 39.39 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, heaven
A gorilla walks into a pub, pulls up a stool, and orders beer. The bartender gives him a mug and says, "that'll be five bucks." As the gorilla reaches for his pocket, the bartender adds, "you know, we don't usually get many gorilla customers in here." The gorilla shrugged and replies, "at five bucks a beer, it's no wonder . . ."
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Did you hear about the drunk who thought Alcoholics Anonymous meant drinking under an assumed name?
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
What’s the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? Drunks don’t have to go to the meetings.
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has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
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